The atmosphere, in the Brooks household was tense. Frustration was building. It floated through the rooms like an electrostatic cloud waiting to discharge on the unwary. The house robots, warning lights flashing, scurried from room to room trying to avoid the humans and each other. Even the cleaning bots whose sensitivity to the emotions of others resembled those of a trained traffic warden, were in their cupboard oiling their wheels to help avoid detection. Roger and his mum were in the middle of a titanic row, which was making their lives difficult, and was destined to have a long term impact on Roger's personality. It has started as a disagreement about homework.

Schools had been replaced, by HEDS 'Human Early Development Sentres' run by the BBC. It had seemed a natural progression deriving from the BBC's extensive web information service. The curriculum had moved away from the old style lessons towards 'equipping young humans to cope independently', and focused on practical subjects like transport mechanics (vehicle repairs), robot management, cleanliness, baby management, home and office politics, banking and credit management, interpersonal relations, running a business and a language. In languages the most difficult option, but the one, which was most valuable, was pigeon consultant, a peculiar language developed by management consultants, consisting mainly of three letter abbreviations tlas and given its grammar rules by the Dilbert cartoons. Cleanliness was one of those awful compulsory subjects inspired by the Singapore model and covered not only personal hygiene but room tidiness. Although the house robots were effective at room tiding, studies appeared to show that young humans who learnt to keep their rooms tidy were more organised, and were high achievers.

Persuading others had started out as teamwork and playing team games, but had become business orientated so the whole classes would start up a business or go and build a new building. Not that finding work was a problem for the young, being a scarce resource they were in demand. Retailers often announced that young people would be selling in their store and this could draw the curious from many kilometres around.

Roger's mum had tried to persuade Roger to tidy his room using the techniques she had been taught at HEDS, but Roger had recently been taught the same techniques and was proving resistant. In the middle of this Roger's sister had come charging out of the hologames room to complain that the weekly hologame allowance had been used by Roger. Quite why the allowance was given to a family and not to each individual was lost in the mists of a parliamentary debate held before hologaming use was widely understood. Now, however, it was a major source of friction in many households.

Roger's mum lost her cool and shouted at Roger. Who retreated upstairs to his room, "close door" said Roger firmly. Roger's mum followed a few moments later. The door now had a difficult choice to make. It was clear he reasoned from her stride, body attitude and brain wave pattern that she wanted to go into Roger's room. It was equally clear that Roger did not want her to enter. Roger's mum clearly ranked above Roger in the social hierarchy, but did she really want to confront Roger or would it be better to keep them apart. The door dithered.

Roger's mum, cross as she was, felt she needed to let off steam so she gave the door a good hard kick.

"Ouch, that hurt," said the door untruthfully. Roger's Dad had selected the doors, he knew that talking doors, with personality, lasted a lot longer and looked a lot smarter than ordinary doors.

"Good," said his Mum, "now open up or I'll have you rehung."

The door sulked, "shan't" he said.

"Roger," she shouted, forgetting all the HEDS lessons she'd ever had "you'd better come out here and apologise for using the hologame allowance, and if your room's not tidy your not having a ziglobat 90. I'll get you a conversion instead."

"I'm never talking to you ever again," said Roger. "Do what you like," he continued contradicting himself.

Backed into a corner there was no way out. All the lessons on interpersonal relations always said, if you're going to see the person again don't threaten unless you're prepared to carry out your threat. She went downstairs to the main communications room. The door to the communications room opened smoothly.

"Do you want to make a call?" asked, Cyril, the house management system.

"Yes, get me the robot supplies agency. Second hand and conversions department."

Cyril started the process of making the connection. "If I had charge of the doors, I'm sure you could have spoken to Roger directly," he said. It was a constant source of irritation to Cyril that though he managed the household, for some reason the internal doors had been given their own control systems.

Before Roger's mum could respond a holo image of the Compulike salesman began to appear in the middle of the room. "Can I help," said the image. There was obviously still a bug in the contact line as the voice and other sounds were not quite in time with the actions.

"Yes. I want to buy a YHF for my son, and I want it to be a conversion."

"Of course, how old is your son"

"15"

"Good, we have a wide selection of conversions including converted office droids, army commandos, storekeepers, domestics,…"

"Stop there. Can I see the domestics." A selection appeared in the room, holograms of course but looking exactly like the real thing. The house cameras recorded everything just to make sure that the WYSWYG (What You See is What You Get) principle was observed. A small friendly looking robot appealed to Roger's mum it was like a little blue snow man with big coal black eyes, no visible arms, about 1 metre tall. More importantly is was as unlike a Ziglobat 90 and it was possible to get. A Ziglobat 90 was the YHF (Young Human Friend) of choice for both boys and girls, it was an action packed robot with militaristic tendencies and a good line in sarcasm.

"Tell me about that one," she said.

"A versatile robot. Its has different arms for all sorts of jobs, and they're all neatly hidden inside the body, would you like to see," the salesman was speaking again. "It was once a house cleaning robot and will be perfectly happy in a home environment."

"How intelligent is it and what level of social skills does it have?" asked Roger's mum, " how does it go upstairs and cope with the outside?"

Well he has in excess of the statutory minimum intelligence. The social skills are basic but we can provide a big learning expansion box for only another £3000. He moves on rubberised tracks but with lots of grip. To get upstairs he uses two of his arms to push giving extra leverage."

Roger's mum tried to think of some questions, "what else have you got?" She asked.

"Well in the domestic conversions range we've got a cooker, a fridge and a dishwasher, but I'd recommend this little fellow because there so much more manoeuvrable."

"He is cute," she said, "and I like electric blue."

The salesman went for the kill, "you can have him on approval for two weeks, 'a robot tried sets the heart alive' we always say at robot renovations."

Roger's mum flinched at the abysmal rhyme but its lack of sophistication made her feel that this salesman couldn't lie his way out of a paper bag; just as the marketing spin doctors hoped it would.

An hour later a hover delivery arrived at the door, "delivery from robot renovations," an electronic message startled Cyril who was yet again searching the house wiring diagrams and regulations for some means of legally taking control of the internal doors.

The Cyril put down his hobby and ambled into action, bright arrows appeared in the walkway pointing the way to the delivery door. The hover delivery slowed a little and swung sharp left following the arrows. A speedy electronic conversation was held between the house and the hover delivery. The door opened, the hover delivery speeded up.

Watching from his first storey bedroom window Roger sat holding a box with a single button and a short antenna. He waited as the hover delivery move closer then stabbed his finger down sharply on the red button. The delivery door shut suddenly. The delivery robot sensed the change and started to slow down, but too late he hit the newly closed door, disorientated he fell the few centimetres to the ground.

Roger hid the evidence and walked casually down stairs to find his mother and sister gathered round the fallen hover delivery and Cyril trying to explain what had gone wrong.

"Ah Roger," said his mother "your new YHF has arrived. Unfortunately, it had an accident on the way here, so we're just going to see if it's damaged."

Roger gritted his teeth and looked at the package.

Roger's mum inserted her UPC universal personal card into the box and assembly commenced`. One of the most successful businesses on the planet was called PADS, Packing And Delivery Service. The success of this firm had been born out the consumer frustration generated by the aggravation of unpacking, reading instructions, assembling and first time start up of new purchases. PADS had taken the hard work out of this problem, they devised a system which was mostly automated. All that was needed now was to inserted your universal personalised card into the box. Assembly and start up from this point were automatic. Despite the amazing technical achievement of the PADS system some people still had problems inserting their card.

The box unfolded, Vaccy went through his start up checks and was ready to run. Much to Roger's disappointment. the accident had not caused any damage.

"Hello," said Vaccy and he made some strange gurgling sounds as his systems came on line. "My name is Vaccy. I am a series 3 domestic robot, converted by Computer Renovations Inc. to be a young human friend. If you could hitch me up to the house computer perhaps I could learn a little more about the family."

"Try that socket over there," said Roger's mum.

"Thank you."

Half an hour later Roger was lying on his bed when he heard some usual sounds coming up the stairs. Hup Grind Hup Grind. Vaccy's hydraulics levered him up the stairs one step at a time. A long period of storage suggested the need for a little oil. Had Roger not been in a foul mood he would have laughed at Vaccy's struggle with the stairs.

Vaccy knocked on Roger's door. "Sizzle! You useless piece of scrap metal. I'm never going to HEDS with you. I'll be the laughing stock of the whole place." Taking its cue from Roger the door remained firmly closed. Sizzle, a newish slang term, meaning, suffer you unpleasant person or go away came from a very successful hologame where the killing of aliens from outer space was achieved by disrupting their molecular stability and they would emit a frightening sizzling sound before dissolving.

Vaccy was unsure what to do, he searched his new programs and reviewed the social acclimatisation course he'd been on. Nothing seemed to fit. According to data bank YHFs always got on famously with their young humans. A YHF was always there to help solve the problems of early life. They would learn together, he would build Roger's self esteem and make sure he didn't get too badly hurt. Some hurt was necessary in the learning process, he knew. Vaccy was of course experiencing McMuckle's law which says that whatever you learn in a classroom its only a rough guide to real life.

He waited patiently for several hours outside Roger's room, nothing happened so he tried hanging around in the lobby. His home was supposed to be in Roger's room but without his acceptance he felt lost. He plugged into the Cyril to ask advice, but Cyril was superior and unfriendly, "I'm surprised we need a YHF when Roger can ask my advice anytime," he said, "and as for the doors they're definitely untrustworthy don't tell them anything, especially anything in confidence." Roger's Mum came by but she said not to worry about it, Roger will come round.

Vaccy had to hang around all day and all night in the lobby. Ignoring Cyril's warning he tried talking to the doors, but they knew that Roger wasn't letting him into his room and being a bit stuck up they weren't very friendly. In wandering around he found the cleaning robot cupboard and talked to the off duty cleaning bots. They were a bit boring but at least he could relate to their problems and they were sympathetic and allowed him to stay in their cupboard. Tomorrow was the first day of HEDS and it looked like being a difficult day.

Next day they set off for HEDS. They walked. In days gone by kids had been taken to school in cars but this was now out of fashion, particularly at Roger's school. Now many walked, the YHFs provided security, the children learned to cope with the roads themselves and were fitter. Roger walked out of the house and Vaccy followed. "You stay well behind me," snarled Roger at Vaccy.

Roger went round to collect his friend Peter. Peter came to the door and they set out together. "Where's you YHF" asked Roger.

"He's just coming," said Peter looking back. "Look there he is."

Roger's mouth dropped open and he started to laugh.

"Don't laugh said Peter. Its not my choice. Mum bought me a conversion instead of a decent YHF."

"I'm only laughing because I've got exactly the same thing. I've got a converted household cleaning robot, called Vaccy."

"Yer mine was something to do with clothes management he's called Lironel."

"God what are we going to do we're going to be the laughing stock. Everyone else has got Ziglobat 90s."

"The only thing I can think of is to pretend we're not with them." He turned to Lironel you stay well back from us about 10 metres."

It was a warm day and they walked steadily along pavements. The traffic of the better off travelled overhead but there were still many surface vehicles. Many vehicles were either controlled electronically or were forced to travel at speeds not above 30kph. They came to a site where a bot was laying concrete in the road.

"What would happen if Vaccy and Lironel went through all that muck?" Peter whispered to Roger.

"I dunno, but I'd like to find out. How can we get them in it."

"Watcha doing?" Roger asked the maintenance bot.

"I'm glad you asked me that" said the bot. "The maintenance department says our function is to inform as well as to mend. The auditor said it was a waste of money putting two way communication circuitry in maintenance bots but we must keep the public informed."

"Right very good. So what are you doing?" Roger repeated his question.

"I'm laying concrete." Roger was about to explain that he see he was laying concrete and what he wanted to know was why was he laying concrete, but decided to give it a miss. Vaccy and Lironel had by now caught them up.

Roger turn to Vaccy, "now follow me close," he said and stepped over the cement. Vaccy who was close behind set off and immediately ran into the wet cement. As his tracks kept turning the cement stuck to the surface and was whisked up under Vaccy's mudguards where it made what Roger considered to be a satisfactory scratching sound like nails being dragged across a blackboard.

Lironel saw they problem and steered round the obstacle. Vaccy stopped "Oh no", he said and on the first day of HEDS too. A high powered hose emerged from his smooth body and he began cleaning the surfaces of his undercarriage, but the paint work was permanently chipped. Vaccy's head drooped a little further. He checked his instructions, "in the event accidents, it is often best to pretend nothing is wrong." With as much dignity as he could muster he set off in the direction of the school.

"How about giving me a lift," asked Roger.

Vaccy considered the question, what should he do? Giving your YHF a lift was clearly against the rules, also it would give Roger a reward when he was being unpleasant, but on the other hand it was wonderful to be asked. Vaccy basked in the warm glow of apparent friendship for another second. "Aren't you supposed to walk to HEDS?" Asked Vaccy. "I feel sure the rules say its part of your development. If you give me a moment I'm sure I could find the reference in 'Developing a Young Human the training reference for YHFs."

"You want me to be your friend don't you?" Asked Roger "Of course I feel sure we will be great friends".

Roger turned and carried on walking.

Vaccy felt he had missed an opportunity.

They reached HEDS arriving in the middle of a Ziglobat 90 jousting match. Ziglobat jousting was not allowed, of course, but Jass Chetwyn and his friend Cleeve Wright knew how to over ride the safety circuits. They charged each other holding dustbin lids as shields and using wooden poles as lances.

Ziglobats had become the robot of choice for YHFs not because they were the best teachers, or the most reliable but because a famous young actor was featured in the advertising campaign and because they looked mean and aggressive being about 1.5m tall and made of black shiny metal with faces looking like darth vader from the late 20th century starwars movie. At waist height they seat stuck out of their backs where tired young humans could sit. For Ziglobat jousting the boys stood on the seats As they approached Jass caught Cleeve's Ziglobat a blow which caught his shoulder. The robot swung round lost balance and Cleeve and his Ziglobat tumbles to the ground. The ground was wet and muddy, and left brown marks on the robots knees and down his left side. Cleeve was unhurt but also muddy."I think that makes me the winner", said Jass.

"Only for today, I'll get my revenge tomorrow."

As Roger, Peter, Lironel and Vaccy came closer Jass and Cleeve turned to face them, "Hey Roge why have you brought a blue snowman to school," laughed Jass.

Jass climbed on his Ziglobat and the two boys stared down at the new comers from well above them. Jass and Cleeve looked at each other grinned then Jass shouted, "lets get them," . They lowered their lances and charged towards Roger. Roger moved sideways using the low wall which surrounded the school to slow down the advancing Ziglobats. Vaccy, Lironel and Peter went the opposite way. Roger vaulted back over the wall and ran for the door. Peter did the same on the other side, but Vaccy was trapped.

The jousters turned on Vaccy. There was nowhere to go and the long poles slammed into his side knocking him over. Just then one of the adults arrived in his flash sky car. Jass and Cleeve jumped off their Ziglobats.

Roger rushed out to see if Vaccy was alright.

He lifted Vaccy back onto his tracks "you alright," he asked.

"I don't know I feel confused," said Vaccy.

"You dirty rat," said Roger picking out a phase from an old time film he'd seen.

The teachers came over, "what's going on here?" The older teacher asked. He received no answer. Then as if guessing the situation from years of experience he turned to Jass saying, "your robot is filthy get those foot marks scrubbed off by lunchtime and report to me at the staff room."

As the teachers left Jass turned to Roger, "We'll finish the job at break time," he sneered.

Vaccy behaved strangely through the morning period. Much to Roger's embarrassment Vaccy started cleaning the desks, using a very fine jet of water he cleaned the desk tops down to the bare wood. Eventually Vaccy had to be taken out of the classroom and put in the sick bay.

Break time came. Roger went to sick bay to find Vaccy sitting quietly in a spotless room. "All clean now," he said.

Roger sat on the bed, "come over here Vaccy, I think we'd better de-activate you," he said.

Just then Jass and his Ziglobat appeared in the doorway.

"Dirty rat," said Vaccy "must clean." A jet of high pressure steam flashed from Vaccy into the speech box of the Ziglobat breaking the speaker membrane and shorting the delicate electronics located nearby. The Ziglobat came to an abrupt halt then as if in slow motion toppled to the floor.

A sizeable grin spread across Rogers face, but all he could say was "neat Vaccy neat."